this week has been tough for me…

and not because of the election…

i have really been struggling this week with why i care about things.  is it because i feel a sense of duty, or because it makes me feel better? is my heart broken for the things that break the heart of God, or do i just continue to live the way i live and hope that i get a job so we can continue our standard of living?  don’t get me wrong, i want to work, and i don’t want to go into more debt.  i often wonder if i made more money, would i give more away?  more money often means more management.  i guess what i’m trying to get at is my heart.  do i truly LOVE the least of these, or do i say and do the things i do out of obligation or guilt?  i mean i get a fire in my belly and often get sad or angry when topics that i’m “passionate” about come up.  but is it all talk?  what have i done about it.  when we justify the things we do we are often just masking denial.  if i say i believe that the bible is true, but don’t let the Word of God transform my life then i am lying to myself and others. 

i’ve been listening to lots of Derek Webb this week, and this song really hit me right between the eyes.  be sure and read the lyrics carefully.

I Repent by Derek Webb

i repent, i repent of my pursuit of america’s dream
i repent, i repent of living like i deserve anything
of my house, my fence, my kids, my wife
in our suburb where we’re safe and white
i am wrong and of these things i repent

i repent, i repent of parading my liberty
i repent. i repent of paying for what i get for free
and for the way i believe that i am living right
by trading sins for others that are easier to hide
i am wrong and of these things i repent

i repent judging by a law that even i can’t keep
of wearing righteousness like a disguise
to see through the planks in my own eyes

i repent, i repent of trading truth for false unity
i repent, i repent of confusing peace and idolatry
by caring more of what they think than what i know of what we need
by domesticating you until you look just like me

i am wrong and of these things i repent

oh, and just for laughs.  here is Derek performing one of his songs that has become a favorite of mine.

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