you see, my dream has been to serve the Lord with music for most of my life. i remember listening to Amy Grant in 6th grade (I know hard to believe huh) and thinking, I want to do that. i want to sing and play an instrument to make a living. i even went down to the front of FBC Lubbock in college and gave all of my ability to God. as His will would have it, i was able to minister to students by teaching school for 13 years, but that desire to sing was still there. it was filled by camps and retreats and stints as a part time worship leader.
two and a half years ago i got to come be the worship pastor of a church. it was a great experience, but in August of this year, God moved me out of that position. i can’t explain it, but i know it was Him. so i’ve been looking for the next place in the journey. we’ve prayed, we’ve sought, we’ve sent resumes and been interviewed. 3 times i’ve been in the top 2 or 3 for a job. out of those experiences, i’ve been agressively interviewed and then a few weeks of nothing. one job, i was told i was a finalist and then never contacted again. one i didn’t hear from them for like three weeks and then finally got an email saying they were going another direction. only one of those pastors ever called me and told me they were going a different direction.
so i got another “no” email today, and i’m feeling not so great. i know that God will not put me where He doesn’t want me. that He is protecting my family from greater hurt and He is our provider, but it doesn’t change the way i “feel”. i know that our feelings are part of who God made us to be. i’m thankful that I got an answer from this place, but it doesn’t make me feel any less unwanted. i guess i have to remember that God is for me. He has a place for us. He believes in me and knows what He wants to refine in me. so i will wait, and trust and believe that His plan is so much better.
so today i pray for wisdom and clarity. i pray that God will provide relief and peace. thanks to those of you who read this blog. it’s an encouragement that someone would care to read what i write.
my son is so amazing. as i’ve been sitting on the couch pondering why, he comes up and says, “daddy i want to give you a kiss, daddy, i want to give you a hug, daddy, i love you this much, daddy, i love you”….yeah!