so i’m feeling rather unwanted today…


you see, my dream has been to serve the Lord with music for most of my life.  i remember listening to Amy Grant in 6th grade (I know hard to believe huh) and thinking, I want to do that.  i want to sing and play an instrument to make a living.  i even went down to the front of FBC Lubbock in college and gave all of my ability to God.  as His will would have it, i was able to minister to students by teaching school for 13 years, but that desire to sing was still there.  it was filled by camps and retreats and stints as a part time worship leader. 

two and a half years ago i got to come be the worship pastor of a church.  it was a great experience, but in August of this year, God moved me out of that position.  i can’t explain it, but i know it was Him.  so i’ve been looking for the next place in the journey.  we’ve prayed, we’ve sought, we’ve sent resumes and been interviewed.  3 times i’ve been in the top 2 or 3 for a job.  out of those experiences, i’ve been agressively interviewed and then a few weeks of nothing.  one job, i was told i was a finalist and then never contacted again.  one i didn’t hear from them for like three weeks and then finally got an email saying they were going another direction.  only one of those pastors ever called me and told me they were going a different direction.

so i got another “no” email today, and i’m feeling not so great.  i know that God will not put me where He doesn’t want me.  that He is protecting my family from greater hurt and He is our provider, but it doesn’t change the way i “feel”. i know that our feelings are part of who God made us to be.  i’m thankful that I got an answer from this place, but it doesn’t make me feel any less unwanted.  i guess i have to remember that God is for me.  He has a place for us.  He believes in me and knows what He wants to refine in me.  so i will wait, and trust and believe that His plan is so much better. 

so today i pray for wisdom and clarity.  i pray that God will provide relief and peace.  thanks to those of you who read this blog.  it’s an encouragement that someone would care to read what i write.

my son is so amazing. as i’ve been sitting on the couch pondering why, he comes up and says, “daddy i want to give you a kiss, daddy, i want to give you a hug,  daddy, i love you this much, daddy, i love you”….yeah!

blessings

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5 comments

  1. i think you have an answer in your awesome, amazing son! Sometime God uses children.

    He did that for me through my children during my dark period. Although they didn’t understand, God used them to cheer me up. Take heart today that God’s voice is as near as your son!

    Jim

  2. Hey there, Chuck ~ I wanted to tell you that I have a friend who is in your very same shoes… looking for work and feeling unwanted. I shared your blog entry with her, knowing that it was just what she needed to hear. And this is what she wrote back to me:

    Kris, Thank you so much for sharing. To hear someone else put into words the feelings that I have so often had is..well amazing. I feel like his prayer is God telling me that , yes, he has a plan, and once again, I need to be patient.

  3. Hi Chuck!
    I’m the friend Kris spoke about and your blog really did speak to me. The EXACT same things you wrote about, have happened to me! I know how you feel! Thanks for reminding me that yes, God has a plan, and yes, he works in his own time, not in ours.

    Lori

  4. so today you follow me on twitter and then I follow you which leads me to your blog and I read this piece and decide to check the comments and there’s my friend Jim at the top of the list – it really is an amazing community this 🙂

    anyway, God is your champion, and will champion your cause. He is the one who promotes us and He is already promoting you to the right people in the right places. You may not know about it now – you may never know about it, but it’s happening.

    Mark.

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