i set my alarm earlier this morning…

going to try to get up to read and write in the mornings. i’ve been very lax and very lazy on doing some things to make a change in my life.

every time i think i’m ok, or i’m out of the intensive care unit that has kept me alive the last few years, reality brings me crashing back to earth. it’s not that i’m not happy or that i’m not seeing good things happen, it goes back to that Elijah thing, but for me, i’m content to live in the victimization and not push through to hear what God has for me.  and honestly, He hasn’t really spoken in a while. 

maybe my life is too loud and i can’t hear the whisper. maybe i’m just too busy looking for “lovers less wild” that i’ve missed His invite to come away. maybe it’s about what i read in Romans 6 today.

Don’t invite that insufferable tyrant of sin back into your mortal body so you won’t become obedient to its destructive desires. Don’t offer your bodily members to sin’s service as tools of wickedness; instead, offer your body to God as those who are alive from the dead. Offer every part of your body to God as a tool for justice and goodness in this world, because sin is no longer your tyrant and because you are under grace and not the law.  Romans 6:12-14 The Voice


sin is no longer my tyrant. i’ve been a slave to things that are not the best. i’ve been living my life not even for myself, but for sin. i don’t want to live that way. i can almost hear the sarcasm in Paul’s voice as he writes this.  “really, you want to allow sin to control you? really? really!” 

so my prayer is that i would allow God to remove those things from my life that don’t allow me to be used for justice and goodness. fact is He’s been trying and i’ve been ignoring. i guess we can put up with a lot while He tries to get our attention, but eventually we just get tired of fighting. i’ve been swimming against His current for too long. oh, i’m sure i’ll turn back occasionally, or take a day trip to the shore, but i really don’t want that, i want to float and let Him take me where He may. 


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