why God?


conversations started early this morning. i love my friends and the fact that they ask me questions and that our faith is one thing we talk about often. i think in my late 20’s and early 30’s, it wasn’t ok to question God or have doubts. at least that’s what i thought, but as i read the psalms, i get this overwhelming feeling that David had lots of questions for God and that he often wondered why.

it got me thinking about a couple of songs this morning. both of them by an artist that i’ve always loved, Chris Rice.

 

Questions for Heaven-Chris Rice

 

…Now my cranium swims
With questions I can’t wait to ask You

 

…Like why did You bother with so many stars?
Do You ever play tricks on the angels?
And what happened to all of those dinosaurs?
Where’s the Garden of Eden?
And what causes de ja vu?

 

I guess in Heaven I’ll learn
I’ll be waiting my turn
To ask about quasars and feathers
I hope the line isn’t long
I hope Your patience is strong
It’s a good thing forever’s forever

 

Do our jokes make You laugh?
What’s Your favorite cartoon?
Can you tell me what’s out past the edges?
And what about UFOs, taste buds, and tornados?
Why do we dream?
Oh, and what causes de ja vu?

now don’t get me wrong i love that. i think it is childlike and wonderful. it’s a positive song that a very creative writer crafted to be whimsical and wonderful.

but those aren’t the questions i’m thinking of.

why did You allow my family to be torn apart? what am i supposed to do with my life? why do i feel like a failure? why can’t i make enough money for my bills? why am i lonely? what did i do to deserve these things? why can’t i seem to follow You? why can’t i feel like i can trust You?

i guess i know all of the answers to those questions. He wants to form me and He wants me to trust Him, but just occasionally, i’d love to hear it from Him. 

maybe i’m not listening like i should be, or maybe i’m just angry. maybe there is sin in my life that holds me back. i want to listen. i want to be joyful. i want the sin to be gone. 

i want to run to the Father, but it seems like i just often spin my wheels in this mud.

which brings me to the second Chris Rice song that the questions brought to mind. i love this song, because it does admit to the mystery.

Big Enough-Chris Rice

 

None of us knows and that makes it a mystery
If life is a comedy, then why all the tragedy
Three-and-a-half pounds of brain try to figure out
What this world is all about
And is there an eternity, is there an eternity?

 

God if You’re there I wish You’d show me
And God if You care then I need You to know me
I hope You don’t mind me askin’ the questions
But I figure You’re big enough
I figure You’re big enough

 

Lying on pillows we’re haunted and half-awake
Does anyone hear us pray, “If I die before I wake”
Then the morning comes and the mirror’s the other place
Where we wrestle face to face with the image of Deity
The image of Deity

 

God if You’re there I wish You’d show me
And God if You care then I need You to know me
I hope You don’t mind me askin’ the questions
But I figure You’re big enough
I figure You’re big enough

 

When I imagine the size of the universe
And I wonder what’s out past the edges
Then I discover inside me a space as big
And believe that I’m meant to be
Filled up with more than just questions

 

So, God if You’re there I wish You’d show me
And God if You care then I need You to know me
I hope You don’t mind me askin’ the questions
But I figure You’re big enough
I figure You’re big enough
‘Cause I am not big enough

 

so what questions do you have? do you believe He is big enough? it’s a struggle. i want to believe it, but sometimes i just ask those questions, and i want answers. i pray that they are His answers and not just what i want to hear.

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One comment

  1. Couldn’t agree with you more about his lyrics. I think that’s what I loved the most about his music, was his way to capture your imagination and really draw you into his songs. Deep Enough to Dream was one song that always gets me like that eg. the description of the fly hitting the fly screen being compared to longing for heaven.

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