i guess my last few blogs have made it seem as if i am sad or a little depressed.
that is not the case.
in spite of hardship and loneliness, i am actually in a really good place. far from where i was 6 months ago. way far from where i was a year or two years ago.
i am in the process of trying to get a better hold on some financial things, and i’m dreaming of creating again. there is still a bit of fear over the creating, but that will go away as i just do it. writing every day is a start.
i looked back over my blog stats and noticed a pattern. when i was in a good place, i was writing. people were reading. i can look at the dates and see that.
so my prayer is that in humility and love, i will create. and i won’t fear, and i won’t care if anyone likes or sees it. i am creating for me in the hopes that it blesses others. i don’t think that is selfish, but maybe it is. maybe i should create for others in the hopes that it blesses me.
i guess that’s something i need to figure out. there are so many reasons we do things or don’t do them. do i love the process or the result more? do i know enough about myself to know what i should and shouldn’t be spending time to create? am i constantly re-examining what i’m built for as an excuse instead of just doing it.
i do know that i am happiest when i find amazing words in my heart to put down on a page. when i get to play music with my friends or even strangers. when i get to work with people in creative ways. and i like to think that when i’m happy and filled with joy. other people are too.