don’t run the wrong way…

i’ve been running. i thought i was running to something, but the last week i’ve figured out that i’ve been running from.

up until a few years ago, my life had been moderately successful. i was good at what i did, and was appreciated and loved by the communities that i was a part of. i had some hardship, but not too many. i would say that i lived a good average American life.

then it seems that all hell broke loose. i knew that there was more than that life. i knew that God wanted me to risk and dare to live something better. but i didn’t know how. i tried to follow this calling in me.  but every time i tried it seems i got sidetracked or shot down. fear of failure became the new norm. why even try if you are just going to fail. that became commonplace for me.

let me tell you that is a hard place to dig out of. i can’t do it. there is a lot of truth to the passage that says He pulled me out of the mirey clay and set my feet on solid ground. and David should know what he is talking about. i sit here and complain about 4-5 years of what i consider trouble. Saul chased David for 17 years trying to KILL HIM. maybe i don’t have it that bad. Joseph was a slave for 13 years and in prison for 2. what am i complaining for.

it seems maybe i am searching for peace and joy in the wrong place.

James 1:2-4

Don’t run from tests and hardships, brothers and sisters. As difficult as they are, you will ultimately find joy in them; if you embrace them, your faith will blossom under pressure and teach you true patience as you endure. And true patience brought on by endurance will equip you to complete the long journey and cross the finish line-mature, complete, and wanting nothing.

well that pretty much says it. i’ve been running from trouble. i don’t want it, i panic when it appears and i say how long Lord will you let this go on? as long as it takes until i embrace who i am and embrace the joy to be found in Him through the hardship. and that is where i need to run to.